Before I became an Au Pair, I was not completely sure what kinds of questions I needed to ask perspective host families, or what kind of answers I should be looking for. So if you are in the same boat I was, here are over 101 questions that will help you find the answers you are looking for.
Note: This list is not meant for you to use as a questioner when interviewing host families. It is to help you consider what questions you need to ask. Be sure to throughly read the host family's profile to see what answers you can find there.
Jump to questions about...
Questions About the Host Family
To properly choose a host family, you should know about their personalities and daily life. These questions will help you find things you have in common, or rule out habits you may not be okay living with.
1. What are the parents looking for in an Au Pair?
It is important to understand exactly what the host parents are looking for. Are they specifically looking for someone to care for the kids while they are at work? Are they looking for a cultural exchange? Is the main focus for the kids to learn another language? This answer will likely influence your main roles and responsibilities and allow you to view your job from the parent's perspective.
2. What do the parents do for a living?
This will not just tell you what they do for work, but give you an idea of their working schedule. It will also give you a heads up if either of the parents are a 'stay at home parents'. If they are your role may be a lot more like an assistant rather than the main caretaker.
3. What is the host child/children looking for in an Au Pair?
What the kids are hoping for can be a whole different ball game than what the parents want. Are they looking for a mentor or older sibling to look up to? Do they see you more as a teacher? How they view you may change your approach to how you work with them, and how they respect you.
4. Has the family had an Au Pair before?
If they have had an Au Pair, they most likely already have set expectations, a specific way they want the schedule to work out, and the children probably already have an understanding of your role. If not, there will be a learning curve for the both of you.
5. What are some household rules everyone is expected to abide by?
This is an easy one. It gives you an idea of expectations you will be expected to follow and rules you will need to enforce with the kids.
6. How old are the kids and what grade are they in?
You may already know their ages, but it is important to ask if they are in school. If not, then your days will most likely revolve around taking care of the child who is not in school yet for the majority of the day. You can also use this question to segway into asking if the younger ones are potty trained.
7. What are the kids personalities like?
It is good to get an overview of what the children are like for numerous reasons. One main one is to help you decide if this is the type of job you want. Will you be dealing with indoor kids who prefer easy days of reading and crafting? Or will you be chasing them around playing tag at the park every day?
8. What are the kids hobbies? What do they do in their free time?
This will give you more specific examples of what the kids like to do. It will help you figure out not only how you may be spending your days as an Au Pair, but if you have anything in common with the kids.
9. How much screen time do the kids get?
Children who watch TV all of the time are much different than the ones that only have an hour of screen time per day. This answer can greatly influence your schedule. It can also give you an idea of the activity/energy levels of the children.
10. What activities do the entire family enjoy doing together?
It is good to know how much time the family spends together and what they enjoy doing as a group. It will give you an idea of the kind of family you will be working with, what activities you may be apart of, and help you find commonalities.
11. What are the family traditions?
Are there specific holidays they do or do not celebrate? How do they celebrate them? Are there special things they do for birthdays? Are you able to partake in them as their Au Pair?
12. Do the kids speak English? If not, what language(s) do they use at home?
Just because the parents speak English, does not mean the kids do, especially if they grew up in a country where English was not the mother tongue. Having host kids who do not speak the same language is doable but comes with many challenges.
13. Do they have any pets?
This is especially good to know in case you have any allergies or personally do not like animals.
14. How is discipline handled?
Every family has a different idea of how discipline should work, and these can vary greatly. Are you comfortable working with a family who does not believe in discipline? Are you comfortable working with a family who gives spankings?
15. Who will carry out discipline?
Will you be expected to carry out discipline? If so how will you do it? At what point do you bring the situation to the parents? If you are unable to enact some form of discipline (such as taking away a toy) will the kids respect you at all?
16. Does anyone in the household smoke?
This can refer to cigarettes or marijuana. In some countries smoking cigarettes is as common as a cup of coffee in the morning. Maybe you do not mind, or are a smoker as well. But if you are someone who can not handle cigarette smoke, it may be hard for you to live in a house where this is the norm.
17. Does anyone in the family drink?
Not everyone is comfortable around alcohol, but many cultures (especially in Europe) normally have a glass of wine with dinner. This question is also a good segway into asking if they are comfortable with you having a glass of wine when off the clock while in their home (if you are of the legal age).
18. Is the family religious?
This is good to know for a few reasons, but mainly to be sure you are respectful of their beliefs, which may be very different from your own. Many religious beliefs can also tie into behavioral expectations and even clothing choices.
19. If so, will you need to attend church with them?
As an Au Pair you may be expected to attend church to make sure the children behave during a service, or because you are considered to be apart of the family. Are you okay and comfortable with this?
20. Are there any important medical details you should be aware of?
This is not meant to dive super deep too soon. This more relates to severe allergies. Do the kids use EpiPens? Are they diabetic? What will you need to be looking out for on a daily basis or do in the event of an emergency?
Questions About Your Schedule
Knowing the little details about your work schedule will help you plan your days off and reveal some tasks and responsibilities you may not have considered.
1. What is the earliest/latest date they would need you to arrive?
This question is most important when it comes to the VISA. If they need you to arrive in the next few weeks and it takes two months to get a VISA, it may not be possible. They may be flexible, but if not then it makes the entire interview a moot point. Or, if you are ready to start in January and they do not need you till the end of March, can you wait that long or will you need to look elsewhere?
2. How long are they looking for an Au Pair for? If you are a good match, is it possible to extend?
Always double check the length of time the family needs an Au Pair. They may have originally been looking for a year but would be okay with doing 6 months if you both hit it off. You never know unless you ask.
3. Would you have a few days to settle in before starting work?
Are they expecting you to jump in right away? Will you have a day or two to adjust to the time zone? How much time will you have to get to know the kids before you are the point person responsible for them?
4. How many days a week do you work? When are your days off?
While two days off is ideal, you will have some families that need you to work 6 days a week. Can you handle this? If so, will you be compensated for that extra day? Or maybe it is just an extra 2 hours every Sunday. Does this work for you?
5. Are your days off consistent?
If Saturday and Sunday are your off days, it is good to know if this will always be the case. For example, if mom has a meeting every third Saturday of the month, it is good to go into the job knowing you will be needed that day.
6. How many hours will you work per week?
Try to get a rough estimate of your weekly working hours. It can be easy for a parent to ask you to do a few extra things here and there but those things can tend to add up. Make sure you are not overworking yourself. You can reference this number at a later date if any issues arise.
7. What time will you start and end each day?
This is will you an idea if the hours agreed upon are realistic, as well as help you plan your days and get an understanding of your full schedule.
8. What does a normal work day look like for you?
This answer will help you figure out the flow of your work day and the tasks you will be doing daily.
9. Is the schedule set in stone or will you have room to improvise?
If you prefer a strict schedule, it is good to get one outlined with the parents that consists of what you will be doing each hour with the kids. However, if you like a little flexibility and want to be able to take them on a surprise adventures now and then, see if this is something you will have the power to do. Some parents will love that you want to take the kids on adventures, some may rather you sick to the solid routine.
10. Will you be needed for the holidays, or can you to go home?
You may be excited to spend the holidays in another country, but your host family may already have plans that do not necessarily include the new Au Pair. Or, you may want to plan to be home for Christmas but are expected to join your host family for the holidays. What situation are you in?
11. Is it possible to arrange a 3 day weekend every few months?
Part of being an Au Pair is getting to travel to a new country. It can be hard to fully explore that country with only the weekends off. If travel is high on your priority list it may be worth it to ask if you can negotiate a 3 day weekend every 2 or 3 months so you can fully explore.
12. Can they work around your class schedule?
If you are going over on a student VISA that allows you to work, you may need to take classes while abroad. Make sure the family understands this and is able to work around your class schedule.
13. Will you be joining them during family vacation(s) or family trips?
Some Au Pairs are expected to come along for family outing or getaways. If you are expected to come along will your stay/tickets/needs be paid for? What will your role be during this time?
Questions About Your Specific Tasks & Responsibilities
Just because a family has a list of responsibilities already written out on their profile does not mean that it is completely up to date or that all the specifics are laid out. It is important to get clear expectations about what your job entails.
1. Will you be picking up/dropping off the kids from school?
If this is part of the plan you will need to know the tasks that go along with it: are you getting the kids up an ready, making them breakfast, packing their backpacks, signing them into class, ect... If not, you may have a list of other responsibilities or be expected to work after school.
2. If you are picking up/dropping off at school, how will you get there?
Will you be walking or driving? If you are driving what kind of license will you need? Is the walk easy and safe? Do they ride their bikes to and from? Will you need to take the kids on public transport to get home?
3. Are there after school or weekend activities you will need to bring them to?
There may be a soccer game or two during your day off when the parents will need your help. It is great if you know to expect this in advance.
4. Do you need to stay/attend these activities with them?
It is also good to know if the kids will want you to be a spectator at these activities or if you can get other things done during these times. Having to attend these activities may also adjust your working hours.
5. Will you be teaching your host kids English?
If learning English is a goal for the kids, will you need to have lessons prepared or will they just through integration? What are the parents expectations for this role?
6. Are you expected to cook? What meals are you responsible for?
This is also a great time for you to talk about your own cooking skills and what you can realistically do/make. Have a conversation about what works for all of you. Will you be responsible for making breakfast? Will you and the parents share dinner responsibilities? Are you expected to do any cooking at all?
7. Are you in charge of or expected to help with the grocery shopping?
Are you needed to help make the shopping list? Will you be expected to go along to help with the shopping? Will you be sent to do the shopping on your own or with the kids at any point?
8. Are you expected to clean? If so, what are your specific duties?
Find out what your expectations are and set your boundaries. Are you only responsible for cleaning up after the kids? Will you be in charge of laundry? Agree on what your specific responsibilities are with cleaning before you get there.
9. Will you be in charge of caring for the pets in any way?
If you are expected to help with the pets, find out what tasks you will do specifically. Will they need you to walk the dogs after dropping off the kids at school? Will you need to be home at a specific time to let them out during the day? Are you suppose to clean the cats litter box?
10. Are you responsible for bath time?
A follow up to this would be, how is bath time carried out? It is every day? Is it always right before bed? Are you just supervising or are you doing the bathing?
11. Will you be putting the kids to sleep?
For some parents this is an important task that they want to be apart of, but other parents may ask you to put the kids to bed. If so, how long before the parents get home? Are the kids afraid of the dark? Are they easy to get to sleep? Are there certain routines you need to carry out with them such as reading a specific book?
12. Will you be administering any medications for the kids?
It is good to know if you are in charge of daily mediation as this is an important responsibility. It is also important to make sure you are comfortable and confident with this aspect of the job.
13. When the kids have friends over will you be expected to babysit the group?
In my opinion this is a very important question. If there is a playdate and the two kids you are looking after turns into five, are you okay with this? Are you now expected to be in charge of all of them? Will all the parents be present during these times? This is good to know logistically and responsibility wise.
14. Are there any other tasks/responsibilities that will be expected of you that you have not touched on yet?
Just because you think you have asked everything and got all your questions answered, does not mean you have. This question will allow the parent to consider other tasks they may need from you that have not come up. Since every family's needs are different, there will probably be some missing aspects you need to touch on.
Questions About Accommodation
While room and board usually comes with the gig, it is important to know the details of your housing situation so that there are no surprises when you arrive. Here are some questions to help you figure this out.
1. Will you be living in the house with the family?
Every living situation will be different. It is good to know if you will be living in the same home as your host family, in a separate apartment down the street, or even in a renovated space above the garage.
If you are living in the house...
2. Will you have your own room?
The answer to this should be yes. As an Au Pair, you should have your own room. If you are sharing with one of the children, I highly suggest finding another job.
3. If you are living in the house, where is your room located?
It is good to get a sense of how far away your room is from the children, find out if there are any rooms that connect to yours, and give you an overall layout of the house.
4. Can you view the room?
If you are on facetime, this is a great opportunity to view your room or get a house tour.
5. Are you sharing a bathroom? If so with who?
Just because you are not sharing a bedroom, does not mean you will have your own bathroom. It is also good to know who and how many members of the family you will share with.
6. What rooms or amenities will you or will you not have access to in the house?
Are there are any rooms that are off limits? Are you able to use all the appliances in the kitchen to do your own cooking? Is there a family computer you can utilize?
7. Will you be expected to follow a curfew?
Ask about a curfew! If there is one, ask the reasons why so you can gain an understanding and determine if this works for you. A family may feel that if you live in their house you must abide by all their rules. This is fair. It is also up to you if this is something you can deal with.
8. Can you have friends over?
If you are living here for more than 6 months, odds are you will make some friends. Is the family okay with you having friends over? If so are there stipulations or certain times you can have guests?
If you are not living in the house...
9. How far away is the room/apartment from the family's home?
You should know how close you are to work to determine if this is something you can work with. You can also look up the distance/route when you have a moment to yourself.
10. How will you get there?
Are you in a city? If so is there public transportation you can use? Is there a metro or a bus station? Is it easy to walk to your host family's house or to get to the children's school? How long is the route?
11. Is rent and all utilities covered?
I have seen Au Pairs that have their own apartments. It is important to clarify what aspects of this you would be responsible for so you can budget properly. Inquire about water, air conditioning, heat, electricity, wifi, and laundry.
12. How will meals/food work?
If you are not living with your host family, will you still go over for meals? How about on your days off? Will they supply you will a grocery budget?
13. Where can you be expected to do laundry?
If you do not have laundry in your apartment, are you able to bring your things over to do laundry at their home? Will you be expected to find a laundry mat?
Questions About Food
Sometimes food can be an afterthought because there are a lot of little details people do not consider. Be sure to find the answers to these questions to make things easy.
1. Will food or a food budget be provided for you?
As an Au Pair, your main meals are usually included with the gig. You should get an idea of how they expect this to happen. Will you simply eat with them all the time? Will you only eat with them during your work days? Will a grocery budget be provided for you to do your own shopping?
2. How will you eat on your days off?
Okay, so food is provided. But what about when you are off and not sharing meals with them? This of course does not included eating out (that is on your own dime). Can you still join for dinner? Can you utilize the family food to make your own meals? Can you shop with them and pick out the staples you need for meals you do not share with them?
3. What kinds of meals (for breakfast, lunch, and dinner) does the family normally eat?
You should get a good idea of what the family makes for their meals, especially if you will be eating with them. Do you like the foods they usually have? Are you able to eat what they normally make? If there anything you really do not like that they use in everything they cook?
4. What are their dietary restrictions/preferences?
Knowing the families dietary restrictions will give you an idea of what food is or is not allowed in the house, and what kinds of food will be the norm. Can the kids have sugary food? Are the parent vegetarian? Does anyone have severe air born allergies like peanuts that you will need to be aware of?
5. Are you expected to follow their food preferences?
If you love meat and the family is vegan, will they expect you to be vegan while you are with them? Can you buy and cook your own animal products in the house?
6. Are they able to accommodate any dietary restrictions you may have?
On the flip side, what if you are a vegetarian and they are not? Is this something they can accommodate? What if you are gluten free? Can they realistically afford to support this or will you have to supplement your own food?
7. Are there any hard no food items that you can not have in the house?
This is not only referring to beer and wine, but things like soda, sugary foods, ect... There are some things parents do not like to have in the house because they do not want their kids eating it. Are you able to keep your favorite snacks on hand? Will you be giving up some favorite comfort food during the year?
8. Can you eat in your room?
This may sound silly, but there are many parents that do not let their kids eat food in their rooms, and this rule may extend to the entire family. If you are accustomed to eating chips while watching Netflix on your bed in your free time, can you do this in their house? Are you happy to give that up or is that a comfort thing for you?
Money Questions
Money can be an uncomfortable subject for many people to talk about. However, it is something that needs to be done. As an Au Pair your normal paycheck is usually referred to as 'pocket money'.
1. What will be your weekly/monthly pocket money?
If the host family profile already states how much you will be paid, be sure to confirm that this is still the correct amount. If it does not already say, you should ask what your weekly or monthly stipend will be. It will vary from family to family.
2. How will you be paid?
You will most likely be paid in cash. However, if they choose to go a different route, such as a check or directly to your bank account then you will probably need to set up a bank account in that country. Make sure they are able to help you with this and that you know how to properly use it.
3. When will you receive your pocket money?
It is in your best interest to come up with a set day you get paid. Will it be every Friday? Every 14 days? The first of the month? This will create consistency in your paycheck so you can budget properly. It will also allow for you to inquiry about payment according to a set calendar if the family forgets.
4. How will payment be adjusted if you take a day off?
If you end up taking a 3 day weekend, either at your own request or because they gave you an extra day off, how will payment be adjusted? Will they still pay you the same each week or subtract a certain amount from your paycheck?
5. Are you able to get an advancement on your first paycheck to help you get set up?
Do your best to already arrive in the country with proper funding. However, if something happens or you have issues with your bank back home, you may not be able to get everything you need to be comfortably set up for the first week or two you are there.
6. How does insurance/coverage work? What happens if you get hurt?
First off, what are the laws you will need to follow when it comes to medical insurance while working in another country? Do you need to get some form of insurance? Will they assist you in purchasing it? If you get hurt on the clock will they help you with medical expenses? What about off the clock?
Questions About Getting Around
You probably wont be able to bring your own car with you. So how will you get around? Does the family have a car for you? Will you take the bus? Here is what to ask to find out...
1. Will there be a car available for you to use in your off time?
Some families will offer use of their car, or have a separate car their Au Pair is able to use. Don't expect this to be the norm but it is a great perk.
2. Does the family drive an automatic or stick shift?
Just because they have a car does not mean it will be one you are comfortable driving. Don't just find out what kind of car it is, but ask if it is an automatic or manual to see if you can actually drive it.
3. Is gas/milage a factor?
You should know the rules that come along with having the privilege of utilizing the family's car. Specifically if they provide a set amount of gas per month, if you will pay for it yourself, or if they ask you to only put so many miles on the vehicle each week.
4. What type of license will you need to get to legally drive in another country?
Your USA state drivers license will most likely not be valid in another country. Depending on what country you are going to, you may need to get some sort of international driving license. Also, check if you need to get it before you depart from your home country, or if you can get it when you arrive.
5. Are there public transportation options close by?
If you do not have a car to utilize, check to see if there is public transportation you can easily walk to in order to get around town on your days off.
6. Does the family help with setting up public transportation?
Some families will provide a metro or bus card for their Au Pair. Of course, this is an added perk so do not expect it. However, if they do not provide it, see if they can help you get set up.
Questions About Location
You can do as much research as possible about where you are going and still not know the reality of the town and what it is like away from the tourist areas. Of course, the people who will know how to properly prepare you are the locals, aka: your perspective host family.
1. What is the neighborhood like?
This question will help you form realistic expectations about the place you will be living. Is it a noisy city, or a smaller town where stores close down before 6:00pm on a weekday? Are the neighbors friendly? Do people interact with each other as they pass by on the street, or do people tend to keep to themselves?
2. Are there shops/areas/beaches/parks within walking distance of the house?
Yes, you can check this information on google maps. However, google may not be completely up to date on things that are currently under construction, no longer exist, or are brand new. This will help you get a layout of your surroundings, plan for your days off, and come up with some ideas of places you can take the kids.
3. Is it safe to walk around the neighborhood at night?
Always ask about safety. Are you living in a location that is is safe to walk the streets yourself? Can you go out at night and feel comfortable alone? Are the people kind or should some people be avoided? Make sure you are comfortable in the location you will be living.
4. Is English (or your language) common in the location the family lives in?
This question will give you an idea of how many daily tasks you may struggle with as you are learning a new language.
5. Are there any other Au Pairs they know around the area?
Your host family can be a good connection to make friends while abroad. If they know other Au Pairs this will be helpful in that endeavor, and let you know if you have someone you can share the success' and struggles of the job with.
6. Is there an expat community in the city?
If you are heading to a country whose language is different than your own and the family does not know any Au Pairs, see if they usually recognize many other expats in the city. Again, it will give you an idea of how hard it will be to make other friends.
7. Are there language courses in the area that they know or recommend?
If you need to learn another language and wont be taking university classes, see what courses the family recommends. If they have had an Au Pair before they may know exactly what classes are best. The may even have connections they can utilize to help get you set up, or even assist you in paying for the course.
Questions to Show Your Interest
As much as you are interviewing your host family, they are also interviewing you. You should show that you are actually interested in the job by asking questions that directly relate to your interactions with the family.
1. I saw the kids are interested in basketball. Is there a hoop we can use at home or a park with a court nearby I can take them to?
Another example of this question could be: I see Jessie loves crafts. I love crafts too. Is there a type he loves best, like drawing or friendships bracelets that we could do together?
This question shows connection between you and the kids and that you have an interest in developing their creative side. Of course, do not lie, but try and find something you have in common.
2. I know one of the goals of me being your Au Pair would be to teach the kids English. What are their learning styles and preferences I could use to best teach them?
You can replace teaching English with another goal the family has for hiring an Au Pair and focus on the best ways to reach that goal. This shows that you understand the family's objective and are aligning your goals with theirs
3. Some of my favorite holidays/celebrations here in the USA are Halloween and April Fools Day. Are you comfortable with me sharing these with the family and teaching the kids how we celebrate them?
For most families, a big part of having an Au Pair is cultural exchange. This question shows you are interested in sharing your culture and are looking to actively do so with the children/family. It will also let you know if there are any traditions/holidays they may not wish to celebrate or take part in due to beliefs or religion.
4. One thing I am really hoping to do with the kids is spend time outside in the park. Is this something I will be able to do and that they would be interested in?
If there is something specific that you see yourself doing with the kids, either taking them to play on the swings at the park, collecting shells at the beach, or having a movie night every Friday... bring this up with the parents. This not only shows that you are interested in interacting and bonding with them, but will give you an idea of what you can or cannot do with the kids and what they will or will not like.
5. You mentioned that your family loves to visit the beach on Saturdays. Is this family bonding time? Or would I be able to join you?
Now, if you are not interested spending your off time with your host family, do not bring this up. But, if they mention something that you would love to join them for, ask about it. Many host families are wanting their Au Pair to be apart of the family and this will show them that you are looking forward to and hoping to spend time with them.
Next Step Questions
If you are comfortable with all the details and are ready to move on to the next step in the interview/decision making process, here are some questions to move you in that direction.
1. Is there anything in my resume/profile that I can clarify for you?
This is a great question for any job. You can also phrase it as, is there anything missing from my resume/profile that you are looking for in an Au Pair? This allows for them to bring up anything they see as a red flag or qualification they do not believe you have. This way you can provide more details or have a chance to explain any situations they mention.
2. When is a good time for me to meet the kids over facetime/zoom?
You need to meet the kids before you get there! This ensures that the family is legitimate, and you can see if you get on with them. You may not meet them in the first interview as some parents want to make sure they get on with you first before introducing you to the rest of the family. This is okay, but be sure you meet them next time.
3. Is there anything we have not talked about that I should know?
This will give the parents an opportunity to bring up any touchy subjects, or take a moment to consider anything have might have forgotten.
4. Would it be possible to do a house tour next time we talk?
If you did not get a chance to see the house during the first interview, plan a time to do so in the next one. You should be able to see where you are living (including your room) before you get there. It will give you an idea of how much space you have and where you will spend your time.
5. Is there something that you and your previous Au Pair did that worked really well, or that you really liked?
If there are things that worked well between the family and their last Au Pair, it will not only give you an idea of things that work best for them, but a place to start from as you are getting to know each other.
6. Is there something your previous Au Pair did that did not work well or that you would like to see changed moving forward?
Again, this will give you a sense of what the family does or does not like and a quick 'what not to do' with this family. It also opens up a conversation of how they would like to interact differently with you, or change up how they may have done things in the past.
7. Do you have a past Au Pair I can contact as a reference?
If they do give you are reference, I highly suggest contacting them. They will be able to give you a completely different perspective of the family- the Au Pair perspective - and will be able to provide an insight of what your life may be like over the next year if you choose this family. If they do not have an Au Pair reference, ask if they have a babysitter reference you can use.
8. How many other Au Pairs are you considering at this time?
Honestly, it is good to know how many other people you are up against. Just as they are considering other Au Pairs, you should also be considering other families.
9. When is a good time to speak again?
If all looks good, make plans for your next interview. Try and make it within the next few days so that the current information is still fresh in your mind, and you can move the process along a bit quicker.
Conclusion
There are tons of questions you can ask your host family to understand expectations and clarify information. Hopefully these helped you figure out some things to ask and understand what you may need to know. Good luck in your search and I hope you find a wonderful host family!
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